Surprise

We said that if a surprise becomes a routine, it’s no longer surprising

We said that we don’t need one everytime we reach our birth date

but secretly we want to be surprised…

I failed to give a good one last year

and now I got help from the biggest surprise of our life,

hope it works😉

Congenital Anomalies

I was strugling to study for my comprehensive test (still actually, by the time i wrote this) due to the fact that I have a 2 months old baby who needs attention in so many ways.

My husband did everything in his power to tak e care of him and gave me extra time to highlight some algorithms and guidelines. But still, at 9 pm I ended up with nursing my son to sleep while opening AO website on my mobile phone, maxillofacial surgeons’ bible for all bone-related diseases.

In such limited time, I decided to read materials that I wasn’t really familiar in my 5 years of training because the cases are rare. Just in case, it’s comprehensive test right?

It’s about congenital anomalies

While cleft lip and palate are common cases, I didn’t have much experience with hemifacial microsomia and treacher collins syndrome, whose patients have parts of their faces underdeveloped or more severe syndromes like the recent zika virus that affects skull bone and brain. I kept reading the classifications, treatment alternatives, life expectancies and other things I should know as a surgeon when It strucked me that it could be Thariq.

The numbers may be 1:600, 1: 2500 and so on. But still, it could be my baby.

It could be my baby who has to spent nights in NICU incubator and undergo extensive surgery before he could speak.

It could be me having engorged breast with breastmilk without any baby to fed.

Alhamdulillah, Thariq has normal anatomy and normal functioning organs. 

Alhamdulillah, I have a healthy crying baby in my arms while I’m studying cases of special babies.

I’m so lucky..

Being grateful is one thing

I couldn’t imagine if it was my baby. But I could help.. in the near future I hope.

now back to studying.. shall we?

Mama

Kadang – kadang karena saking ingin buat tulisan yang “keren” malah jadi ga ditulis – tulis, lalu lupa, lalu ya sudah ga jadi… But I really want to write this no matter how cheesy or messy it might look.

Mama saya bukan tipe lovey-dovey mom. Saya ga inget kapan terakhir kali saya dipeluk. Eh inget deh, pas pengajian pra nikah, yang berarti hampir 3 tahun yang lalu. Tapi itu ga masalah buat saya, karena mama saya punya cara lain untuk mencintai anaknya.

Sejak menikah saya memang ga tinggal serumah dengan orangtua, tapi komunikasi kami tetap baik. Saya sering whatsapp-an atau kadang2 telponan (sampai 1 jam bahkan) dengan mama. Seringkali karena saya mau curhat. Tapi seperti yang saya bilang sebelumnya, mama saya bukan tipe yang kalau anaknya jatuh lalu bilang “mana sini yang sakit, cup cup, sembuh yaa.. ” Jadi kalau saya curhat saya ga mendapatkan “siraman kasih sayang”.

Saya pernah curhat soal mendapatkan amanah besar disaat saya sedang hamil (sekarang juga masih sih). Kehamilan saya Alhamdulillah terkendali, tapi buat saya pribadi saya sebenarnya ga ingin dapat amanah itu karena maunya bisa santai, relaks, ga mikirin nasib negara.

Lalu apa respon mama? kurang lebih “ya ud biasa kan? bisalah”

err..

terus ketika saya curhat mau ditinggal suami dinas ke luar negeri agak lama..  Soal ini sebenarnya agak lucu, suami saya beberapa mau dinas ke luar negeri tapi batal karena alasan – alasan yang ga disangka, seperti nama di visa salah sehingga ga bisa lolos di imigrasi. Tapi menurut suami saya, itu karena saya ga ikhlas ditinggal jadi ada – ada aja masalahnya. Saya memang makin manja sejak ada bayi di perut (rahim lebih tepatnya) jadi galau kalau ditinggal. Untuk yang kali ini saya wa lah mama saya

lalu respon mama? “Ya gpp, kan mandiri”

err..

Akhirnya suami pun berangkat dan pulang dengan sukses.

Entah karena memang mama sangat percaya saya bisa menyelesaikan masalah saya atau sekedar menenangkan supaya saya ga drama, tapi ya memang ngaruh sih, saya jadi ga terlalu ambil pusing dan melanjutkan hidup.

Mama juga ga mengintervensi pilihan – pilihan saya dalam menjalani kehamilan atau mempersiapkan keperluan bayi nanti. Mama (sepertinya) percaya pilihan saya untuk memakai co-sleeping cot bukan bed-sharing nanti, atau ga mau pakai bantal, guling, dan selimut untuk bayi untuk mengurangi risiko SIDS.

Ada yang buat saya agak sedih hari ini, ketika saya cerita soal maternity class yang saya ikuti. Saya cerita ada calon ibu yang ditemani ibunya, lalu mama bilang “kalo gitu mama bisa diajak dong, kan mama mau tau perkembangan terkini”.

Saya langsung mencelos..

Saya memang mengurusi persiapan kelahiran berdua dengan suami, tidak minta pertolongan mama maupun mama mertua. Kami ga ingin merepotkan dan kami kebetulan ingin mengikuti rekomendasi AAP atau ACOG yang kurang populer di kalangan keluarga Indonesia, apalagi ibu – ibu yang beda jaman seperti mama – mama kami. Daripada terjadi konflik jadi kami diem – diem aja.

Ternyata mama ingin tau dan ingin lebih dilibatkan. Bukan karena ingin menerapkan cara beliau dulu, tapi ingin mengetahui apa yang anaknya mau.

*emoji nangis*

I love you mama.. thank you for being mama like yourself. Memang mama yang paling cocok jadi mama saya.

Semoga saya juga bisa jadi mama yang cocok untuk bayi yang makin suka stretching di perut. *elus – elus*

 

 

 

 

Mothercare

Yes, that mothercare

A store that contains baby related stuffs

A store that always being visited by moms with their strollers parked in front of glass wall when there’s a huge sale

A store with cute things that no one think can make people sad, but unfortunately they did, even though that’s not their fault

A store that I thought I would never enter, but fortunately I did.. 

with a protruding belly that I thought I would never experienced

with a long list that I thought I would never keep in my bag

with prayers that I thought would not be answered this fast

Thank You

We’ll try again

We know we’re not okay

We know there’s something wrong

We know it could be fixed

but we don’t know whether we’re lucky enough or not

We know it’s going to be hard

We know it will consume everything, literally

We know it could take its toll on us

but we didn’t expect that we actually could handle the bad news

It was not pretty, it was a mess

It is still a mess

But we’re still here

we’re making plans

we’re moving on

and we’ll try again

My turn

I really wish I could give you the best surprise, like you always did

I really wish I could be the proof that you dreams do come true, like you have always been to me

I wish you more happy birthday, so I will have more chances to return your never ending kindness

Constantly challenged

It’s funny that one day you felt you did a great job, gave a pat at the back for yourself, realised that you had grown,

and suddenly you went back to that mediocre, amateur, inexperienced young apprentice.

Every time it happens, you know you’re living an inconsistent live,

and constantly being challenged.

Is that what you want?

 

 

 

Dreams for two

You make it bearable when life gets hard,
make it better when it’s actually just fine,
and make it awesome when it’s already wonderful.

Happy birthday🙂

You always make me go..

When you thought you had everything, that’s exactly when you know you don’t

things that you wish you knew earlier already passed without any proper greetings

but then you think about it again, acknowledging them won’t change anything

you’re still here with everything you got right now, because this is what you want for your future self

but then you think about it again, missing things that your present longing for

you wish you could run and hide, so you can feel whatever your want right now

or maybe this is just a phase, when your younger unsatisfied past messing around

a test for a near full grown person that you work so hard to create

a reminder of an unfinished image, a part that you actually want to erase

but no, you can’t

and now it’s between two choices of ending the struggle

surrender and accept the fact that this one is really you

or kissing them goodbye and close the chapter

 

isn’t it?

 

 

 

6th

No matter how hard we tried to be cool, we will always be that type of couple.

Saying “happy monthsary” like the word is even exist in Oxford dictionary.

Arguing who will be the one who hang up the phone, or in our case, the skype voice call.

Sending our latest culinary invention’s pictures and making promise to cook them when you return.

Being envious with our high profile, successful, and brilliant friends while dwelling on our not so glamorous life.

Talking about the future in excitement and then realise that it sounds too ambitious, but still go for it anyway.

Thinking that Line’s infamous Cony and Brown stickers represent us so accurately.

 

Because we’re just like like any other couple out there.

 

We’re just happy.

 

Happy 6th wedding monthsary🙂