It’s not about the sword
It’s not about how deep the cut is
It’s not about the arrow
It’s not about the precision of an archer
It’s not about the cavalry
It’s not about the intimidating steps of the horses
It’s not about the iron fist
It’s not about the force of a deathly blow
It’s not about the war
It’s not about hatred, agony, anger, or power
It’s about the being the reason to fight
It’s about hearing “I won’t ever let you go”
One year down, forever to go
Side by side, year by year
To be continued 
Tidak bisa berlindung dibalik dusta
Bahwa beberapa serpihan begitu terekam
Dan begitu mudah melintas kembali
Bilangan, abjad, masa, dan rasa
Berharap setidaknya menjadi alasan
Untuk melepas yg terpendam
Namun dunia itu sudah diakhiri
Tanpa menyisakan kesempatan
Untuk menoleh ke belakang
Untuk meragu
Sesalpun tidak menghampiri
Hanya rajukan kecil yang bertanya
Mengapa hari itu
tidak lagi terkenang
When I was in junior high, I wrote “neuroscientist” as my dream job in my year book.
Why?
I happened to be a fan of Utada Hikaru back then. She’s a japanese singer, songwriter, and producer. I have collections of her albums (original cassettes and cds! I love her too much to buy the pirated ones) and like a typical fan, I followed her updates by subscribing to a monthly japanese lifestyle, anime and manga magazine. In one of the issues, there was an article that stated about her went to New York to take neuroscience as her major in university.
I thought how cool is that?? An artist, took a super serious science as her major? I’m not saying that an artist isn’t scientific, but the stereotype shows the fact that a lot of them aren’t taking education seriously. Getting into college is an achievement, and choosing that kind of major suggested her intelligence, in my opinion (why on earth you want to spend 4 years of your youth to study about brain, nerves, and their related problems if you’re not intellectually challenged?)
Hence, I was overwhelmed by the news and had this ambition to become a neuroscientist also. It wasn’t that far from my intial aim, to become a doctor (most of the kids want to be a doctor and I wasn’t really aware about neurosurgeon or neurologist existence at that time), plus i’m kinda a bookworm/geek when i was in junior high school, so the scientist title suited me. Therefore, I decided to write that in my year book.
However, 10 years later, I find myself not being a neuroscientist. I’m now a dentist, and on my way to become a surgeon, which is not my childhood dream (a doctor in my childhood imagination was the one who gave medication, not the one who cut and stitch).
But neuroscience always and never fails to fascinate me.
It started from a fanatic act to a true admiration. I’m kinda glad that I have to study this over and over again, in pre clinical, clinical period, and now in residency. It needs a lot of efforts to understand but it’s more interesting than a best selling novel 
(once again, in my opinion)
So, do I still want to be a neuroscientist?
Well… I still want to be a neuroscientist, an (surgical) oncologist, a medical geneticist, or even an immunologist. I hope that my brain have the capability to learn about these stuff, considering the fact I’m not a genius like Ibnu Sina, da vinci, Galileo or other multi-expertise scientist.
Meanwhile, become a wife seems to be a great option, don’t you think 
Pride can stand a thousand trials,
the strong will never fall
But watching stars without you,
my soul cried…
-Kissing you, Des’ree
Masih satu seri dengan post sebelumnya
Mungkin ada yang bertanya, bagaimana kebaikan seseorang bisa tersebar atau bahkan menginspirasi tanpa “publikasi” dari sang pelaku
Ternyata caranya dari sang penerima
Jika seseorang berbuat baik, biasanya yang menerima akan menyebarkan.
Contoh:
kita dibantu oleh teman untuk belajar suatu mata kuliah, ketika ada yang kesulitan juga, kita akan bilang “coba minta di ajarin si X, dia ok tuh ngajarinnya, gw jadi ngerti, ga pelit juga”
Tanpa si x bilang “tadi gw ngajarin si y, dan dia jadi ngerti gara2 gw”
di dalam ajaran Islam, ada hadits seperti ini:
“Barangsiapa diperlakukan baik (oleh orang), hendaknya ia membalasnya. Apabila ia tidak mendapatkan sesuatu untuk membalasnya, hendaknya ia memujinya. Jika ia memujinya, maka ia telah berterima kasih kepadanya; namun jika menyembunyikannya, berarti ia telah mengingkarinya…”
(HR. Al-Bukhari dalam Al-Adab Al-Mufrad. Lihat Shahih Al-Adab Al-Mufrad no. 157)
Bentuk balasan paling sederhana dari kebaikan tersebut adalah mengucapkan “Jazakallah” yang berarti semoga Allah membalasmu dengan kebaikan. Menurut gw itu semacam ucapan “terima kasih” dengan sisipan doa.
Jadi itu kuncinya mengapa kebaikan bisa tersebar dan menginspirasi tanpa sang pelaku menyebarkannya.
Problem solved!
Curiosity killed the cat
Adalah idiom yang cocok menggambarkan gw yang suka men-googling hal-hal yang membuat gw tertampar-tampar dan sering membatin “apa sebaiknya gw ga tau ya”
Kali ini soal sembunyi.
Bukan, bukan soal main petak umpet atau sembunyi dari tanggung jawab
Melainkan soal menyembunyikan kebaikan
Di era jejaring sosial seperti sekarang, alih-alih sembunyi, orang-orang lebih suka mengekspresikan banyak hal.. Yang baik, yang buruk, senang, sedih, cinta, benci, sindiran, #kode #nomention bahkan doa (subhanallah). Hal ini membuat gw bertanya-tanya, bagaimana sebenarnya adab (wuih, berat bahasanya, adab :p) dalam kondisi tersebut
Berikut daftar rasa penasaran + pertanyaan gw dan jawaban yang gw temukan.
1. Bolehkan kita menceritakan hal-hal baik yang kita lakukan ke publik? Sharing is caring right?
“Sesungguhnya Allah mencintai hamba yang bertakwa, hamba yang hatinya selalu merasa cukup dan yang suka mengasingkan diri”
-HR Muslim no 2965, dari Sa’ad bin Abi Waqqash
“Sembunyikanlah amalam kebaikanmu sebagaimana engkau menyembunyikan amalam kejelekanmu”
-Abu Hazim
2. Jadi ga boleh? Kan bisa menginspirasi orang lain?
“Jika dia bukanlah termasuk orang yang menjadi uswah (contoh), maka lebih baik dia menyembunyikan sedekahnya, karena bisa jadi dia tertimpa riya’ takala menampakkan amalannya”
-Iman Al-Iz bin ‘Abdus Salam
Note: jika merasa bisa menjadi contoh yang baik, ya rolemodel gitu, silakan Tapi ada lagi ni, misalnya kita merasa jadi rolemodel yang oke dan menginspirasi, ternyata ada yang perlu digarisbawahi juga
“Wahai hamba Allah, sembunyikan selalu kedudukan muliamu. Jagalah selalu lisanmu. Minta ampunlah terhadap dosa-dosamu, juga dosa yang diperbuat kaum mukminin dan mukminat sebagaimana yang diperintahkan kepadamu’
-Al Fudhal bin ‘Iyadh
“Tidaklah bertakwa pada Allah orang yang ingin kebaikannya disebut-sebut orang”
-Basyr bin Al Harits Al Hafiy
3. Itu kan soal kebaikan, bagaimana dengan keburukan? membuka aib orang lain ga boleh ya, bagaimana dengan membuka aib sendiri?
“Jauhilah dosa yang telah Allah larang. Siapa saja yang telah terlanjur melakukan dosa tersebut, maka tutuplah rapat-rapat dengan apa yang telah Allah tutupi”
-HR Al hakim dari Abdullah bin Umar
4. semua amal kan bergantung niat, kalo niat berbaginya ga riya gpp dong?
“Dan orang-orang yang memberikan apa yang telah mereka berikan, dengan hati yang takut”
-QS Al Mu’minum:60
Note: Maksud ayat tersebut adalah, orang-orang yang berpuasa, bersedekah, dan yang shalat tapi khawatir (takut) amalannya tidak diterima (HR Tirmidzi dan Ahmad). Riya membuat amalan kita sia-sia. Jadi kalo kita yakin berat kita tulus ikhlas dan amalan kita pasti diterima, ya gpp
Kebaikan yang benar-benar baik akan tersebar dengan sendirinya tanpa kita berusaha mempublikasikan. Jika tidak, mungkin kebaikan yang kita lakukan belum tercermin dalam kehidupan sehari-hari.
Bukankah kita tau keluarga/teman/orang lain yang rajin sholat malam tanpa dia harus bilang “gw tiap malam sholat lho” atau yang rajin puasa, atau yang pengabdiannya kepada masyarakat tidak perlu dipertanyakan.
Dan mereka selalu membuat gw salut
*ngambang ya? Karena gw ga berniat untuk ngasih tau apa yang harus lo lakukan.. Gw sendiri tau apa yg perlu gw lakukan setelah melakukan investigasi ini.. Tp gw ga “sebaik” itu untuk bisa mendikte lo ga boleh begini begitu
Namun jika lo menjadikan ini pertimbangan, atau mendapatkan jawaban dari rasa penasaran yang sama.. I’m glad
Sumber:
Rumaysho.com
Losing a patient that you’ve been taking care of feels like losing someone important.
Broken hearted.
I believe that death is inevitable, but I also believe in preventable death, that someone could be save, could live longer if…
If we were faster, if we were smarter, if we had the system, if we had the equipments, if we had superpower to stay focus after a long night shift and stay alert to every single detail of the patients, if we had more people that care..
If I were stronger
If they were protected
If it’s absolutely inevitable, why we spend years in school? Why we become doctors, nurses, paramedics? Why we pray so hard? Why we hope for miracles?
It’s always heartbreaking to see, to state the time of death, and to tell the news to the family
Because we believe that someone could always be helped.
Because we want to save a life, not to lose one..
A certain Korean Drama lead me to write this (yes, I watch them)
We have this tendency to be charmed by someone beautiful or good looking, which is normal.
We, consciously or not, might say “she’s so pretty” or “oh wow, he’s very handsome” after seeing an eye candy.
We also sometimes say those compliments about other person in front of our partners. Well, in my case I did that several times.
But I never heard he said the same thing in front of me. Not even once.
I couldn’t ask for more
Maybe this is very narcistic, but I think I have this raw talent to be in cover of Vogue.
Why?
Because I have a natural pouty face. As you can see in those high fashion aka couture magazine, you won’t find any smiling models, or those who walk on the runway, they obviously don’t use their happy faces. In my case, I don’t need any effort to create pouty lips, I do pout everytime, and smile rarely.
Someone significant said that I was not happy, I was being resentful all the time and resulting in not so friendly facial expression. Or maybe I was just too tired.
And that’s a wake up call.
The truth is I’m very grateful with my life, but sometimes I forget how great it has always been. It’s not a smooth sail, but it’s exciting. Excitement makes you smile does it?
Other significant person said I should practice to create the perfect curve of my lips. It could be achieved by the reenactment of the expression when I feel very happy.
I think I have enough good memories to be reminiscent.. So it shouldn’t be that hard. I just need to do that regularly, and not focusing on the past bad days.
Because just like what she said, I do want to show my best smile especially on my important milestones, such as the wedding day..
Meanwhile, I still have a chance to be scouted by Anna Wintour, because people said that somehow I look beautiful with my pouty face :p
Speaking of which, thank you for saying that, it’s one of good things that I’ll remember when I need to put my best smile
